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And you live life with your arms reached out.
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[Wednesday
January 31st, 2007
6:32am] |
you know what?
I think everyone should directly confront people with whom they have a problem.
as opposed to just posting mean livejournal entries about them for them to read.
like, what I'm doing right now?
good example of what not to do.
because, honestly, it seems kind of counterproductive to make things an even bigger deal by inviting all of your livejournal friends into your issues with someone.
if you have to vent, make a rant that only a few people can read. people who probably already know how you feel about the person in question.
but seriously. try talking to whoever you're mad at instead of publicly insulting them.
I promise, it'll get you further.
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1... And watch her count it up on one hand.
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[Tuesday
January 23rd, 2007
7:51pm] |
I guess my desire for a therapist has stemmed from this...
I wish I had someone who would be content to just listen to everything I have to say and empathize with me, even though they probably don't even understand everything I'm talking about.
I wish I had someone who would let me go on and on until I've gotten every last stupid conflicting and exhausting emotion and thought out of my system.
I wish I had someone who could give me their opinion on the transpirings of my life without an agenda or bias towards anyone.
I wish I had someone who wouldn't mind if I ranted for hours about all the insignificant things I stress about, who understood how neurotic I am and never got annoyed by it.
I wish I had someone unrelated to all my situations and untouched by rumors and lies that could give me some advice, who was separate from all of these people and didn't care what kind of mean stuff I said about anyone in my anger, because they don't even know the people.
Wait, I already have one of those.
I miss you, Ainsley.
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And watch her count it up on one hand.
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[Tuesday
January 23rd, 2007
3:10pm] |
I think I need a therapist... because I have way too much on my mind and no way to get it out.
But, on the other hand, I am enjoying this whole not-liking-anyone business.
s'good for me soooul.
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2... And watch her count it up on one hand.
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| I basically copied and pasted this from a bulletin I posted. |
[Sunday
January 21st, 2007
3:44pm] |
My birthday has been awesome.
I love everyone.
Especially my parents.
Even though I'm incredibly tired...
and I've eaten waaaay too much.
ANDDD.
Just a little longer until lent!
Which I am actually very excited about, because Natalie and I are giving up boys for lent.
Yes. We are swearing off the entire male species for forty days. All of them. The stupid ones and the okay ones alike. We will not express interest in them, we will not care when they are stupid or when they are cute, we will not pursue them, we will not encourage them to pursue us. No flirting. Absolutely no dating. Nothing.
No boys.
Imagine it! Forty whole days completely devoid of stupid boy drama!
I might just keep going for the rest of my high school career, because honestly, I don't see the point.
I was thinking about that today, since I guess I'm sort of older now.
I think dating right now is kind of superfluous and overly political, and I don't really see a reason to go through all the drama. Unless there's some ideal guy around here hiding under a rock, I'm not going to be marrying anyone I meet in high school. Dating now would just be practicing for the real deal. And I've never really been a fan of practicing.
High school dating can be a great thing... just not necessarily for me.
Where the hell is this going, anyway?
haha.
Anyway. My point is.
I'm happy.
I love Natalie.
Boys are stupid.
And it's my birthday!
So, go dance on a table or something!
Celebrate my aging!
Buy me stuff!
Woo!
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4... And watch her count it up on one hand.
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[Saturday
December 23rd, 2006
9:54am] |
I hate when my mother picks things up, becuase I can never find them.
The Picture of Dorian Gray is missing in action.
I mean, admittedly, I do leave my books lying around everywhere.
But that doesn't mean she has to go around putting them back where they belong.
I just might have to go the day without Oscar Wilde.
*tear*
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And watch her count it up on one hand.
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| It's a motherfucker. |
[Friday
December 22nd, 2006
8:07pm] |
[mood|  bitchy]
[music| Faint ~ Linkin Park]
"Tell me, is he very fond of you?"
"He likes me; I know he likes me. Of course, I flatter him dreadfully. I find a strange pleasure in saying things to him that I know I shall be sorry for having said. As a rule, he is charming to me, and we sit in the studio and talk of a thousand things. Now and then, however, he is horribly thoughtless, and he seems to take a real delight in giving me pain. Then I feel that I have given away my whole soul to someone who treats it as if it were a flower to put in his coat, a bit of decoration to charm his vanity, an ornament for a summer's day."
"Days in summer are apt to linger."
-The Picture of Dorian Gray-
I am just trying to figure you out.
Because I absolutely can't.
I don't know what you're thinking.
One minute you love me, the next minute you won't give me the time of day.
Yet you're making all over these other girls who you like even less than me
(and, by the way, I'm better. mostly because I'm not a skank. and I'm capable of stringing together an intelligent sentence. and I was there first. and when she chews you up and spits you out, you're going to wish you had picked me. even though I don't wear itty bitty skirts up my ass. so ftw.)
And I know you liked me to begin with.
Don't pretend you didn't.
I did not misinterpret anything.
So WHY won't you at least TALK TO ME.
Dear, it's time for you to shit or get off the pot.
All I want from you is a definite answer.
I'm pretty sure I deserve that you inconsistent asshat.
I am sick of your ridiculous games.
And, hey man, I'm not sure you know, it fucking hurts.
[/rant]
I guess I should just move on.
But I'm scared to.
It's like, when you're waiting in line for swings at recess.
And you want to go do something else, because just waiting around is getting incredibly annoying.
But you're afraid the minute you walk away, whoever's on the swing is gonna get off, and then the skanky little girl behind you in line is gonna get a turn before you.
And then you're shit out of luck.
Yeah, it's just like that.
Ugh. And I don't even have the nerve to post this in a bulletin.
Because I know he'll see it.
Fuck.
I honestly don't care if somebody tells him this is here.
He needs to hear it anyway.
Arghhhhh.
Irony is a bitch.
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9... And watch her count it up on one hand.
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[Sunday
December 17th, 2006
4:30pm] |
Remember this one?
Where you go back and put the first sentence of the first lj entry of each month?
January - I just got home... the Capital One Bowl was fantabulous.
**ah, good times...**
February - Hey... remember what I said about getting a new fandom?
**and so begins my love affair with The Office!**
March - One of these days I shall cease to procrastinate... but it is not this day!
**and therein lies the essence of my enthusiasm.**
April - So it turns out retreat didn't suck that much after all.
**yay for Catholicism**
May - So... tonight = amazing.
**oh, yes. the night of the spring choir concert. twas a memorable time indeed.**
June - So the past week or so has been interesting.
**the week of driver's ed/Ainsley! that was so awesome. I love her.**
July - WOO! Update from Ainsley's house. Who's excited?!
**yessss.**
August - So... I got my permit today.
**pchyah.**
September - Damn, it's good to be back.
**enter marching season (!!!)**
October - Hey. Um. Here's a novel idea. If you want me to like you... DON'T BE AN ASSHOLE.
**so that's more than asked for... but a good message nonetheless.**
November - So, strictly hypothetically, if I liked somebody... who do you think it would be?
**I am a riddle wrapped in an enigma shrouded in mystery.**
December - goddamnmotherfuckingsonofabitch.
**that still applies.**
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And watch her count it up on one hand.
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| Do it. |
[Sunday
December 10th, 2006
12:03pm] |
Arena (known to self and others) happy, spontaneous, witty | Blind Spot (known only to others) accepting, cheerful, clever, energetic, extroverted, giving, independent, self-assertive, silly, trustworthy | Façade (known only to self) bold, loving, warm | Unknown (known to nobody) able, adaptable, brave, calm, caring, complex, confident, dependable, dignified, friendly, helpful, idealistic, ingenious, intelligent, introverted, kind, knowledgeable, logical, mature, modest, nervous, observant, organised, patient, powerful, proud, quiet, reflective, relaxed, religious, responsive, searching, self-conscious, sensible, sentimental, shy, sympathetic, tense, wise | Dominant Traits75% of people think that Kaci Y. is energetic
75% of people think that Kaci Y. is silly
75% of people agree that Kaci Y. is witty
All Percentagesable (0%) accepting (50%) adaptable (0%) bold (0%) brave (0%) calm (0%) caring (0%) cheerful (25%) clever (25%) complex (0%) confident (0%) dependable (0%) dignified (0%) energetic (75%) extroverted (25%) friendly (0%) giving (50%) happy (50%) helpful (0%) idealistic (0%) independent (25%) ingenious (0%) intelligent (0%) introverted (0%) kind (0%) knowledgeable (0%) logical (0%) loving (0%) mature (0%) modest (0%) nervous (0%) observant (0%) organised (0%) patient (0%) powerful (0%) proud (0%) quiet (0%) reflective (0%) relaxed (0%) religious (0%) responsive (0%) searching (0%) self-assertive (25%) self-conscious (0%) sensible (0%) sentimental (0%) shy (0%) silly (75%) spontaneous (50%) sympathetic (0%) tense (0%) trustworthy (25%) warm (0%) wise (0%) witty (75%)
Arena (known to self and others) irrational, loud | Blind Spot (known only to others) irresponsible, inattentive, foolish | Façade (known only to self) childish, chaotic, impatient, overdramatic | Unknown (known to nobody) incompetent, intolerant, inflexible, timid, cowardly, violent, aloof, glum, stupid, simple, insecure, vulgar, lethargic, withdrawn, hostile, selfish, unhappy, unhelpful, cynical, needy, unimaginative, inane, brash, cruel, ignorant, distant, boastful, blasé, imperceptive, weak, embarrassed, vacuous, panicky, unethical, insensitive, self-satisfied, passive, smug, rash, dispassionate, dull, predictable, callous, unreliable, cold, humourless | Dominant Traits100% of people think that Kaci is irresponsible
100% of people agree that Kaci is irrational
100% of people agree that Kaci is loud
100% of people think that Kaci is inattentive
100% of people think that Kaci is foolish
All Percentagesincompetent (0%) intolerant (0%) inflexible (0%) timid (0%) cowardly (0%) violent (0%) aloof (0%) glum (0%) stupid (0%) simple (0%) insecure (0%) irresponsible (100%) vulgar (0%) lethargic (0%) withdrawn (0%) hostile (0%) selfish (0%) unhappy (0%) unhelpful (0%) cynical (0%) needy (0%) unimaginative (0%) inane (0%) brash (0%) cruel (0%) ignorant (0%) irrational (100%) distant (0%) childish (0%) boastful (0%) blasé (0%) imperceptive (0%) chaotic (0%) impatient (0%) weak (0%) embarrassed (0%) loud (100%) vacuous (0%) panicky (0%) unethical (0%) insensitive (0%) self-satisfied (0%) passive (0%) smug (0%) rash (0%) dispassionate (0%) overdramatic (0%) dull (0%) predictable (0%) callous (0%) inattentive (100%) unreliable (0%) cold (0%) foolish (100%) humourless (0%)
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And watch her count it up on one hand.
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| Not much else to blame but wishful thinking. |
[Friday
November 17th, 2006
5:09pm] |
[mood|  upside-down]
[music| Wishful Thinking ~ Duncan Sheik]
I am still obsessing.
About everything.
And I just can't stop.
And I can't think properly anymore.
And I just want everything to make sense.
Because it should.
It absolutely should.
People should.
People shouldn't be stupid.
Or inconsiderate.
Or arrogant.
Or shy.
Or afraid.
Or difficult.
Or impossible to read.
Or ridiculous.
Or spiteful.
Or dishonest.
Or hurt.
Or hurtful.
Or bitter.
Or angry.
Or cowardly.
Or disrespectful.
Or cold.
Or confused.
Or confusing.
Or inhibited.
(dear God, I am so many of those things right now.)
They should make sense.
I should make sense.
Everything should make sense.
alsfkdjalsdfj.
This probably makes it sound like I'm just a big fluffy ball of angst.
I most certainly am not.
I'm happy.
I honestly am.
People don't effect my happiness. That's mine. You can't take it.
But I do wish some people would grow up or get over themselves or take a look at what's in front of them. (open your eyes, stupid.)
I've always thought the beauty in life lay in flaws and irrationality.
I love it.
I love life.
Really really.
It's just kind of fucktarded sometimes.
This was incredibly pointless, but I needed it.
Woo!
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And watch her count it up on one hand.
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